Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Back on Track

Well... I totally fell off the bandwagon.  This happens a lot for me... I feel good about my progress over a short amount of time, slack off, & then feel guilty about the "mishaps" & then go down a shame spiral into my old habits.

A lot of people around me have been having success & are looking great, & instead of motivating me, it was making me feel more & more guilty & like it would never work for me.  But I do know that it can work for me, because it has in the past.  When I had 3 months to get ready to see Alex for the first time after we'd started a long distance relationship over the phone (which I personally, to this day, believe is the best way to really get to know someone in the beginning, rather hanging out/making out all the time in the beginning, we just spent hours on the phone, learning everything we could about the other person)

Anyway...when I knew I had 3 months to get my butt into shape, I totally went for it & went to the gym everyday.  I would do 40 minutes on the elliptical, do strength training for 20 minutes, then 40 minutes on the treadmill, & then 10 minutes of stretching & abs.  EVERY DAY.  And I lost a lot of weight. I got down to 168lbs (which was a big accomplishment for me, someone who had always been really heavy).  And I felt great... And I could wear clothes I hadn't been able to in a long time. And it was amazing.

But then time passed & we got married & I slacked off & didn't eat as healthy, & of course the lbs came back on.  And then we moved out here to Alberta (I weighed 195lbs by then) & for some reason, I gained even more.  To the point where when I got pregnant, much to my surprise, I weighed 227lbs!!!  Out of control.  And then MONTHS after Owen was born, I still weighed in the 250s.

So a few nights ago (after feeling really down & depressed about the state my body is in right now) I had an open & honest heart to heart conversation with Alex about all my deep-seeded fears & frustrations, and my envy of those around me who are having success & how it makes me feel like I won't succeed.  Now Alex has always been very supportive of me in my continued efforts to lose weight, & I love him for that.  I know a lot of guys that would've left me a long time ago had I'd gotten this big while being with them... And so he told me to just do it... to just go for it... that he knew I could do it, & to nevermind what others were doing... to just do what I know how to do & work towards my own success...

And so I am.  The next day I ate healthy & went on the elliptical for 38 minutes... I did 4.43 miles.  This coming from a girl that used to get excited when she could do 12 minutes.  And the next day I ate healthy again & did 30 minutes on the elliptical.  And today I did 25 minutes, but added strength training, abs & stretching.  And it feels good.  I'm hoping I can keep going. :)

**** UPDATE***** Just got off the Wii fit & the body test said I was at 233.5 lbs... down 7.5 lbs from the last time I was on... (79 days ago!) So that's exciting for me... Only 6.5 for me to lose until I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight... and then only 87 more pounds to go! YAY!!!

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