So I wouldn't even be able to hazard a guess with regards to how many times I've tried to lose weight, get healthy, eat better, workout more...the list goes on... and totally fell off the wagon shortly thereafter - each time the downward spiral seems to be harder & harder to come back from.
I always start out with the best intentions - I do my best -my absolute best- for the first few days. The weight is coming off - I check the scale each and every morning - and then I end up feeling justified in slacking a little - a treat here - and there - and then there again - and then I notice the scale isn't doing "it's thing" anymore (I wonder why?!!??) & I get discouraged & then comes the binge. Then I'm fully on the downward spiral & it's all over for another few months until I decide to try again. And each time I try again, I'm always heavier than I was the time I "tried" before.
Well ... On Saturday, April 16th, I decided enough was enough (AGAIN!) - April 5th I saw a number on the scale I've never seen before & never want to again. I felt awful...horrible...ashamed. It took another little while (the 16th) for me to decide, firmly, to start again. It was like before, I'd been in a haze of apathy. With depression being prevalent in my life as of the past few years, it's been harder & harder to escape that fog of no drive or motivation. It took seeing that number on the scale that day to drive me snap out of that haze. I legitimately began to care about my health & well being & worried about how sick I would be in the near/distant future if I didn't make some serious changes, and soon.
I'm grateful for my friend JJ (Beachbody coach extraordinaire) who would text me periodically during my dismal haze, like she was checking to see if I was "ready". I was so excited to text her to let her know that I was, indeed, finally ready. I could tell she was pumped for me. And it was even better when I got to text her that I'd lost my first 10 lbs (those first few come off super quick for me).
Normally, by now, I would've at least had a mini-freak out (*binge) & started out on that shame spiral again. But Sunday, April 24th, I consciously upped my calories on My Fitness Pal & changed my macros for the day to add more carbs than I'd been eating (25%C / 40%F / 35%P)...and you know what? It worked GREAT. I didn't feel guilty AND - I didn't go crazy. I stayed within my adjusted goals for the day & Monday morning, I got right back to my regular routine & regular macros.
All I can tell you is, right now, I feel good. I feel driven, motivated, dedicated. My husband has always said to me - "You know what to do - you just have to do it." And he's totally right. I do have the know how - I've lost over 100 lbs before (more on that whole thing later) I just needed to get my priorities (or lack thereof) straight - AGAIN - for, like, the millionth time.
p.s. Here's a recipe for an awesome nightcap smoothie (when you haven't gotten enough protein for the day)
Almond coconut breeze - 1/2 cup Cal-30 / C-3 / F-1 / P-0
Arnold Iron Whey - Chocolate, 1.45 Scoop Cal-174 / C-9 / F-1 / P-32
Naturegg - Simply Egg Whites , 1/4 Cup Cal-30/ C-0 / F-0 / P-7
Thai Heritage - Coconut Water, 130 ml Cal-30/ C-4 / F-0 / P-0
Blended (really, really well) with ice (about 5 cubes)
Cal-264 / C-16 / F-3 / P-39